Title: Artemis Fowl
Author: Eoin Colfer
Publishing date: 2001
# of Chapters: 9
# of Pages: 277
Prologue
One page long, this reads like a profile for a police or psychological report for an infamous convicted criminal, namely, one Artemis Fowl-boy genius and only twelve years old at the time our story begins at the dawn of the twenty-first century...
Chapter 1 THE BOOK
Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, in the middle of a sweltering summer. Often compared to a vampire, this pasty-faced twelve year old wears his Armani suit like an adult. Sipping his mint tea, Artemis Fowl is seated at a table outside a cafe on Dong Khai street. Beside him is a very formidable-looking Eurasian (someone of mixed Asian and European ancestry-casting an African-American in the movie role is a head scratcher!). A completely bald giant who carries a Sig Sauer as an afterthought to his arsenal of stabbing weapons all concealed on his person. Butler could snap any man in two if Artemis wished. Described by visionaries as, "a warrior who has seen a thousand battles" he makes their contact tremble as Artemis sternly orders Nguyen to have a seat. This Vietnamese man knows where THE BOOK is and, with a little encouragement from Butler, he is going to lead them to it.
The story is already dated as youth lounge on the crowded streets, playing on Game Boys while Nguyen is here in response to a Web advertisement when today, in 2020 he would be using a smart phone. Butler, Artemis and the tiny man make their way through crowded streets driving a Jeep along one crooked lane which dead ends in a dark, dirty alley where a tiny, shawl shrouded figure never ventures out into the light from under the fire escape. This "witch" scrapes a living healing warts all day in a drunken stupor from rice wine which she demands from this English.
The pale-faced boy smiles (it is not a friendly smile) correcting her-he is actually Irish. He wants her Book and is willing to make a bargain. She will give him the book for thirty minutes. In return, he will give her a healing serum and her fairy powers will be restored. How did this human know she was a fairy? Never you mind. How did he know that the longer an exiled magical creature spends topside the weaker their powers become and how to reverse the process? Well, this boy happens to be a genius. He is after fairy gold and intends to use this tiny fairy book, of which he just had Butler make several digital copies to various files, to unravel the secrets of the universe to achieve his goal.
Chapter 2 TRANSLATION
Angeline Fowl is the mother of our notorious hero but has been suffering female hysteria ever since her husband, Mr. Fowl Senior, went missing after an explosion in the Russian arctic circle. She hardly recognizes her little boy. Artemis tries very hard not to mind. He hopes with the acquisition of fairy gold, he can pay the ransom to free his father or at least become wealthy enough to take over the world. As if the Fowl family wasn't already part of the Fortune 500 club for dastardly deeds that even the Mafia would be proud of.
Butler has a younger, blond sister named Juliet (she will not be blond in the movie). Like her older adult brother, teenage Juliet Butler is pretty much the personal servant to the lady of the house. She isn't very bright (kick names, take ass) very much your stereotypical blonde, but can hold her own when it comes to fighting.
The fairy text is in pictogram form but the description in the narrative doesn't match anything like the characters running along the bottom pages of this book. Artemis frowns at the computer screen in his father's reconverted study here in Fowl Manor which is located just outside of Dublin. He has spent days pouring over the mysterious fairy text, trying to find a link, going without food and sleep. At last, he tries comparing ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics to some of the THE BOOK'S pictogram fairy characters: a human male form, the sun, a bird and gets a hit! Artemis has his computer system run a deciphering program and after a few hours the entire book has been converted into English. He has other computers simultaneously running and projecting CNN's web site for any news on his father and other programs. He tells Butler to get Juliet in here. Time to execute the next step in his evil plan.
Chapter 3 HOLLY
Meet Holly Short, the ONLY female on the fairy police squad or LEP (LEP-Recon-get it?) she has slept a little late this morning in her underground dwelling located deep in an underground city called Haven-the last human free zone and the only refuge left for all elves, goblins, sprites and other magical creatures. Holly is an elf. She has nut brown skin, short-cropped auburn hair and hazel eyes. She rolls off her futon, long tapered fingers grab a smoothie from her fairy fridge as she heads out the door on her way to work. Her willowy frame is exactly three feet in height. She also has pointed ears.
Her boss is Commander Julius Root who immediately calls her into his office for a good chewing out for being a minute late. Holly just shrugs. Traffic in the City Center, you know how it is.
Before Root can really get going, they are interrupted by a Red Alert from the surface surveillance teams (fairy technology is generations ahead of human with tiny sensors and cameras hijacking every human man-made orbiting satellite and other strategic human structures on the surface) A rouge troll has been spotted in Italy. With the number of shafts in the earth's surface, it is impossible for the fairy-folk to guard them all which means occasionally one of the less-intelligent species is liable to wander out and do some damage. Holly sighs as the task is now appointed to her to locate the troll and vector in the Recon squad who will bring the troll in-alive. The People are not a violent race. The squad will then clean up, do mind-wipes on all the humans who had the unfortunate luck of witnessing the encounter and use their magic to repair any other damage.
They also have lots of fun gadgets and flying equipment all designed by one very talented centaur named Foaly. Holly reports to Foaly's secluded computer room where he has also been monitoring this Bull Troll, a real monster who is currently snacking on some cows in a sleepy pasture but will most likely be moving on to reek more havoc on an innocent village just a few miles away. Holly will ride in an egg-shaped pod up a shaft (with a little boost from a magma flare) to the surface to check it out. Foaly provides her with the latest Nutrino 2000 blaster, just in case, and straps her into the pod in chute E7. Holly secures her helmet which is linked to the fairy communication system so both Foaly and Root can keep in touch.
The ride is exhilarating as always-any excuse to visit the surface and breathe fresh oxygen is a pleasure, Fairy Tourist Groups are always taking surface holidays to sneak into Disneyland Pairs or other places where they can easily blend in as "cast members" but Holly doesn't get that pleasure. After being blasted into the air from the shaft, using her thrusters, Holly maneuvers the pod to a carefully secluded port hidden in a camouflaged mound of earth. She is an excellent pilot, graduated top of her class in the LEP academy. Exiting the pod, she straps on motorized wings and takes off into the twilight shaking her head at the pollution she can taste in the air and the damage these "Mud Men" do to everything in their path.
(For the reader's information, fairies NEVER had real wings that's a Mud People invention and "Mud Man" is the nickname The People gave their nemesis centuries ago when they were finally forced underground due to outnumbering by humans who breed like Catholic rabbits while most fairies can only produce a child once every twenty years or so)
Holly checks the locator on her wrist. The red dot represents the troll which has, indeed, stumbled into the village and made his own entrance into a restaurant. Screams of alarm echo from inside. Defying her commander's order, Holly flies in after the troll to buy the retrieval team some time and because she is too tenderhearted to stand idly by while innocent lives are in danger-even if they are Mud Men.
Trolls hate light and noise and this poor beast is already confused in a foreign environment-out of his element. With a roar, he shatters a few tables while patrons scurry out of the way. Holly flies in close, trying to distract the troll who merely throws a table her way, causing the gas canister on her wing pack to fly off, immediately igniting thanks to the many candles on every red and white checkered cloth tables Italian restaurants are famous for.
Realizing her magic shield isn't as strong as she thought (there's a fairy ritual to restore magic that Holly has been putting off) Holly finds herself in the deathly grip of the troll who is NOT happy to see her. As he opens his mouth to take a bite out of her head, Holly activates the high-beam lights on the visor of her helmet and the troll is stunned into unconsciousness.
Speaking fluid Italian (all People have the gift of tongues) Holly pulls out a round silver sphere and places it on the floor in front of her to show all the bystanders who have never seen a fairy or their gadgets before. There's a blinding flash and everyone in the room is knocked out cold. Root and the Retrieval squad show up almost immediately after and while Root is furious at Holly for defying him he is more concerned to learn Holly's magic is not running on full power. He orders her to get another set of motorized wings and fly straight to Ireland, tonight, (and good thing there's a full moon) where she can complete The Ritual.
Chapter 4 ABDUCTION
How does one locate a leprechaun? Common folk might give up in their search but not Artemis Fowl. He always has a plan and the means to invent the technology needed to carry it out thanks to the Fowl fortune and Butler's assistance. As explained at the end of the first chapter, the Butlers have always been in service. From their youth they are prepped and sent to special schools to train in every defense art, schooled in gourmet cooking and languages then sent forth into the world to serve as bodyguards to the one-percent who can afford to hire them. The moment baby Artemis entered the world twelve years ago, Butler was there-bodyguard for life to his new charge-and as the years passed a special bond formed between the two. Butler has no doubt whatever plan Artemis has WILL succeed and is ready to do whatever needs to be done.
In this case, it is hunkered down in a NASA-like foil camouflage that Artemis designed and built himself with a perfect view of one of the oldest oak trees in Ireland. Artemis and Butler have spent the last four months on stakeout here under the full moon. From "the book" Artemis learned that all fairies must perform a Ritual-bury an acorn in the earth, preferably in a very special, magical place, near the oldest oak tree a fairy can find located near a river under a full moon and thus "return thy gift into the ground."
Butler wonders aloud why Artemis didn't just use the old fairy from Ho Chi Minh? Artemis patiently explains she lost her magical powers by associating with Mud People, nobody is currently missing this fairy and he needs fresh blood to obtain the fairy gold.
Meanwhile, Holly is enjoying her flight with much better mechanical wings this time under the full moon. She soars over Disneyland Paris on her way to Ireland-the most magical place on the planet. Checking her wristwatch device and her helmet's scanning technology, she lands in an isolated area-an oak tree growing in the bend of a river. She is alone. Or so she believes...
Watching, waiting, Artemis's deep blue eyes crinkle in consternation. His diligent hard work and planning is about to pay off, he can feel it. Butler is about to ask if anything is troubling his young master when the silent fairy alarm goes off-a blinking red light. Donning their special fairy sunglasses, the two can easily see the small fairy remove a helmet from what is definitely a non-human head. Butler aims his dart gun intending to tranquilize their prey and shoots but the fairy bends over just in time to miss it.
Holly freezes as she hears the whoosh, removes her own fairy weapon and turns just in time to encounter a mountain of a man and a young boy whose voice sounds like ice cold arctic water flowing. Holly warns this human to stay back and is caught completely off guard as Artemis cynically informs her he already knows she has no magic else she wouldn't be here to perform the ritual and her mesmerization hypnotism won't be working on them today. It is then she sees the special glasses both boy and bodyguard are wearing. A sharp poke in her arm and Holly passes out, her last thought, "How did they know...?"
Chapter 5 MISSING IN ACTION
Below ground, in Haven, Commander Root is slowly turning purple as Foaly plays back the recording from Holly's helmet. It landed face down in the dirt so they have no visual but Foaly was able to amplify all the voices both human and Holly's brazen one. The second, younger-sounding human seems to know an awful lot about the People. They listen to Holly's failed attempt at the mesmer before everything is cut short, but, Foaly did manage to locate a few precious seconds of visual before Holly's helmet landed on the ground, a freeze frame on a hypodermic needle suspended in midair coming straight at Holly as shot from some kind of gun. No doubt about it. Holly Short has been kidnapped, she may even be dead. Root orders a full red alert for the entire LEP squadron, get everyone out of bed, they have a mission! And Root will be heading the charge. He did his training in Ireland, about 500 years ago, and knows the territory. These mud people will be sorry they ever messed with them.
Using a magnet and some needlepoint pliers from his state-of-the-art toolbox while Butler drives the van, Artemis dismantles the tiny fairy locator he found in the helmet. Even he is impressed by all this new fairy technology. They could abort this plan right now and make a nice fortune in patents (Steve Jobs eat your heart out! The first iPod was actually on the market the same year this book was published) Artemis has decided to take this locator to a deserted Russian whaler which is being guarded by a small group of insignificant dock workers whom Butler easily takes care of so Artemis can plant the locator on board as bait for their fairy friends he knows will be coming to avenge their comrade. The entire operation took less than an hour.
Root commandeers the largest fairy shuttle port so his team can take every available transport to the surface. As soon as everyone arrives they will be leaving while all the common fairy folk will have to reschedule their vacations for another day.
Holly wakes up feeling like her head got caught in a vice. A human fly with blond hair appears to be staring down at her but it's only Juliet. Holly attempts flattery to trick Juliet into taking off her sunglasses so she can hypnotize her but Juliet doesn't fall for it. She's not THAT stupid. However she WAS stupid enough to reveal to Holly that she is being held captive by the boy genius, Artemis Fowl, who engineered this entire kidnapping venture. Holly is not impressed.
Root isn't quite like Captain America boarding the Lumarian Star but he lands stealthily (shielded by his fairy magic from unfriendly eyes that might be watching) on the deck of the Russian whaler. His own wristwatch device shows Holly's locator beeping red and follows the signal down into a freezing cold, windowless, refrigerated storage bay. This entire vessel has sat deserted for months, maybe years. Suddenly, Artemis' tinny but formidable voice breaks the silence. It is coming from an aluminum speaker grid inside the foam nest of an attaché case wherein sits Holly's transmitter connected to a device that begins counting backwards. While Root can't read human characters he lets fly with a fairy cuss word and high tails it out of there while Artemis chuckles like a villain in a B-movie. The entire whaler is engulfed in flames as Root barley escapes in his mechanized wings. Once in range of Foaly he orders him to find out everything he can about one Artemis Fowl.
Chapter 6 SIEGE
Artemis smiles over his steepled fingers. So far his plan is going perfectly. Juliet bursts into the computer (bat-cave) room of Fowl Manor to inform Artemis his mother, secluded in her room, has finally gone off the deep end. She is in there talking to someone-her husband! Hardly daring to believe his father could really be alive and back at Fowl Manor, Artemis enters the room only to find his mother created a stuffed facsimile out of his father's best dress suit, completely lost in her own world of make-believe. Artemis turns and leaves, allowing Angeline Fowl to believe Artemis is her dead father-in-law and that her facsimile husband is whispering sweet nothings into her ear.
Knowing she is being monitored by cameras in her cell, Holly pretends to be sitting, slumped over on her bed, in deep depression, but she is really feeling into her boot to discover-the acorn! She still has it! Artemis enters the cell and they talk. Holly snorts at the "crock-of-gold" nonsense she and her people have been putting up with for centuries. If Fowl is after their gold, he won't get it. Artemis chuckles and Holly's confidence drops as he lies to her about just how long she's been here and that the dart she was shot with was a truth serum. She spilled all the secrets of the fairy world. Holly wants to cry, she'll be banished for sure.
Back in his computer cave, Artemis knows more of Holly's kind will be coming. That's why he ordered a special camera (the same kind George Lucas' ILM company uses to film special high speed shots) and installed it over the main front entrance to the house. Sure enough, the camera picks up faint images that are concealing themselves with high tech frequency waves making them invisible to a slow-processing human eye but not a camera. Intruders, which means Butler will be more than happy to deal with them. Artemis presents him with a very special headset for him to wear so he can see the invisible fairy squad stationed in various strategic points on the grounds. They have surrounded the house, preparing for an attack.
Second in command fairy is named Captain Trouble Kelp. He has an annoying little brother, Grub, who is always whining about "telling Mommy" on Trouble when the going gets a little too tough. Over the radio frequency he orders Grub to be quiet and proceeds to check in with the rest of his team. All but one report how bored they are, waiting for the real fight to start, little realizing the fight is already here. Believing themselves to be invisible, they attempt to surround Butler who throws off his hood revealing his special headgear and basically stomps all of them into the ground, like a giant would smash a few annoying ants until only the coward, Grub, is left. Gripping him by the throat, Butler relays his message to the rest of the fairies he knows are outside the grounds, preparing some kind of assault. Tell them the humans are ready to fight. Grub squeaks his compliance.
Foaly parked his shuttle by one of the four towers bordering the walled grounds and has just completed the set up process for the time-stop they plan to do as fairies don't do well in daylight and it's almost dawn. A time-stop will allow them to finish this mission.
And here is Lieutenant Cudgeon. He and Root go way back, they are almost friends but ambition ruined any of that. Cudgeon is ready to just "blue-rinse" the entire place and have it done with but a bio-bomb like that within the confines of the time-stop would wipe out ALL lifeforms. Procedure does call for it (it's in the Book so Artemis knows this too) but Root is not such a despot, patriarchal leader not to have any moral codes such as putting the life of his enemy first. Besides, they have to get Holly out of there. Foaly does his "Q" thing again, loading Root up with all the best gadgets to use in the coming battle including a fake finger he can wear on one his digits that contains a pressurized dart-just be careful in the bathroom-an iris cam and a new blaster and Root is good to go.
Artemis checks his watch and confirms to himself that time has indeed stopped, just as he'd anticipated. He checks the camera in his mother's room. Juliet slipped a sleeping pill into Angeline's milk which she drank before falling asleep. She is no longer in the room, which confirms Artemis's theory about how to avoid being blue-rinsed. Checking the outside surveillance cams, he straightens his tie and goes down to open the front door to their completely un-shielded visitor who has come to negotiate. Artemis graciously invites and a very frustrated Root enters (fairies aren't allowed to enter a human dwelling unless specifically invited) so they can talk business-gold. A single ton, to be exact, in small unmarked ingots if you please. Root sputters. This mud-boy won't be getting anything because in just a few hours he'll be dead. No human has ever escaped a time-stop field (and they haven't been forced to use one in centuries-until now) but Artemis just smiles in his wickedly cynical way-he knows how to beat them.
Root stomps back to the shuttle. His iris-cam recorded the entire conversation and two fairy psychologists back in Haven who claim to be experts on human behavior are already reviewing the footage, but they're idiots, declaring Artemis a messed up lunatic. Root disconnects the feed and decides its time to take matters into his own hand. Time to out-smart this mud boy by breaking a few of these rules.
Chapter 7 MULCH
Time to introduce (yet another) new character to our story, says the author. Root wasn't kidding when he said he was resorting to a few unorthodox methods to win this Fowl game. He is recruiting a incarcerated dwarf to his team named Mulch but this is no ax-welding Gimli from LOTR. In Colfer's world, dwarfs like Mulch are basically human moles with a few extra abilities. Mulch is a kleptomaniac who chose not to follow his family's mining business but resort to petty thievery until he got caught.
Root springs him from fairy prison in Haven and has him sent to the portal that leads directly to the time-field. When the dwarf reprobate enters the scene, Root has a job for the tunneler and, just to show he's a nice guy, Root will slash his 75 year sentence in a maximum security prison by fifteen years if Mulch can tunnel into the manor from underground, dismantle any security equipment that Fowl kid has, get the fairy book, and find out if Captain Short is still alive-you know, basic spy stuff.
Since Root refuses to grant him any kind of amnesty, Mulch secretly has every intention of not returning so he won't have to go back to prison. After receiving HIS very own iris cam and headset from Foaly, Mulch unhinges his jaw and dives into the ground. One can imagine the sound of a drill and a cloud of dirt emanating from the hole as Mulch chews, ingests and expels from his rear end all the soil in his path. The 150 year old wine cellar on the south side of the house still has its original flooring of wood, so it is no problem for Mulch to break in. He no longer has any magic to lose by entering a human dwelling uninvited and doesn't care anyway, which is why Root summoned him from Haven.
The pitch black room is no problem for Mulch as dwarfs can see perfectly well in the dark-they also avoid sunlight at all costs. Bad for the complexion. Dwarf hair is also special. Mulch plucks one from his beard and inserts it into the keyhole of the wine cellar door and picks the lock until it clicks.
Dwarf hair (male only by the way, females apparently don't get to have any fun) also acts as a type of sonar underground, relaying all information a tunneling dwarf needs about his surroundings. For example, earlier in his tunnel, he picked up a vibration nearby indicating a rabbit den not too far from where Mulch made his entrance. Handy info to use for later, possibly...
Foaly has already tapped into the Fowl system, so Mulch easily slips past all hallway surveillance cameras. He ascends a grand flight of oak stairs leading to the second floor. Mulch groans discovering the old cliché safe hidden behind the large ornate painting of Artemis Fowl Senior hanging conspicuously in the long hallway. You've got to be kidding me. Foaly activates the iris cam and Mulch has x-ray vision so he can more easily break into the safe. He's thrilled by the tech but of course Root reminds him he'll have little use for such equipment in fairy prison. A secret, deeper, compartment is discovered, lead-lined (just in case Superman happens to come across it!) and just before Mulch has time to unlock it with another of his hairs he must pass the ginormous bubble of gas that has been slowly churning in his intestines all this time for when a dwarf tunnels, he ingests not only dirt but lots of air as well. And with all that wind buildup, without an outlet, there WILL be consequences.
Artemis realizes he's been viewing a loop on almost all his cameras. He radios Butler. Speaking under his breath, Butler informs his employer he's in the portrait hall right now, making his rounds, just about to apprehend an otherworldly intruder.
Who takes this perfect opportunity to let fly with the biggest, deadliest fart of all time. Butler is thrown backwards into the wall where he loses consciousness. Holly, meanwhile has not been sitting quietly on her bunk as Artemis overrides the hook into his system, she is still banging her metal bed against the cement wall and floor, almost as if she is trying to make a hole...to bury an acorn she managed to smuggle in. He tries to warn Juliet, about to enter the prisoner's cell to check on her, as ordered by Artemis but she left her headset back in the kitchen.
Just as Holly suspected, the thin layer of hastily laid cement has been scraped away by the metal leg of the bed to reveal a tiny patch of earth. It is enough. Whispering the words of the ritual she returns her gift into the ground with her bloody hands and the magic is like a rush of electricity through her body. Her wounds heal and she is a new fairy, recharged and ready to take on anything. Her first victim is Juliet who enters the cell, a bit put out at being called to check on a prisoner who is hardly dangerous and why does she have to wear these dorky, unfashionable sunglasses anyway? The cell is empty. Juliet lifts her glasses for a quick peek to make sure her eyes aren't deceiving her. That's all Holly needs to convince Juliet her favorite wrestling show is on and learn Root was here to talk business with Artemis before she slips easily out the door, shutting it carefully behind her so Juliet can sit and drool on the bunk, staring at the wall in fascination at the imaginary show playing on an imaginary flatscreen.
Mulch and Holly run into each other in the hallway leading to the cellar. Since Holly was given a direct eyeball-to-eyeball order not to leave the human dwelling, she must remain while Mulch takes the copy (one of several) of the fairy Book back to Mulch, or so Holly is led to believe. Fading out with a mischievous smile, Holly is going to go teach that Mud Boy a lesson. She bids Mulch goodbye who unhinges his jaw and dives into his cellar entrance hole but has only just swallowed a few mouthfuls of earth when a pair of hands, the size of trash-can lids, grip his ankles. Mulch merely lobs a bomb of newly digested earth from his rear end, Butler is (again) knocked unconscious and Mulch escapes. Using one of the rabbits he found earlier, he sticks his iris cam on the creature and fakes his own death in the tunnel, pretending a cave-in, before swimming away to freedom.
Chapter 8 TROLL
Foaly and Root are pretty sure Mulch just gave them the slip, but there's no time to take any action about that for Lieutenant Cudgeon is here, in person, a hovercage behind him, to coldly inform Root he has been sent by the Council of Fairy Elders to take over this mission. Root is no longer in command. The cage contains that troll Holly helped capture back in chapter 3 and since the Elders are loath to part with their gold and couldn't care two straws about the lives of Mud People, they are unleashing this troll on Fowl manor. Cudgeon has no scruples about this either, confident they are holding all the cards. Once this human boy realizes he's no match for a troll, he'll soon call off the whole thing and beg them to leave. Then they'll bio-bomb the place, kill the humans anyway and put all of this behind them. They'll make sure Captain Holly Short gets a proper memorial.
Putting his escalating temper in check over the backstabbing politics and lack of ethics, Root knows he has no choice, but he knows he still has a few friends on the council he can rally to get that gold sent up here to save Holly.
Holly finds Artemis in his "situation room" computer cave, ignores the cynical greeting and instead gives her captor a well-deserved punch in the face (since Butler isn't here to protect him). She strides over to the workbench to slip on a fairy helmet where Foaly has been relaying the same looped message in case Holly can hear. She learns about the troll and basically tells Artemis to duck and cover before marching out to go meet the troll. Still in shock, for the first time in the this book (and probably in his life) Artemis has no snappy comeback and can only lie helpless on the floor.
Butler was also on his way to the situation room but he stopped by the prisoner's cell first only to find his little sister apparently in some kind of hallucinogenic-drugged fantasy. Deciding he'll just have to bring her with him, he throws her over his shoulder and is heading to the situation room when he realizes someone or a very large someTHING is about to come charging in through the front door of Fowl Manor. The entire wing of the house is shaking very slightly. Cudgeon orders the charges they set activated, the door is blown and Butler takes a defensive stance against whatever race of species the fairy people have sent in as part of the siege.
As a man who has taken down a bull ape in the African jungle, Butler aims his Sig Sauer at the rushing beast and gets as far as two fatal shots that do nothing to slow it down before the humongous creature tosses Butler up in the air, like a cat would a mouse, slashing right through the Kevlar protecting his chest like it was so much rice paper. For the third time in this book, Butler is knocked into yet another wall but this time, just before passing out, he knows his chest wound is fatal and this is most likely the end. His last thought is his regret he will never be able to ask forgiveness from his Sensei from the training school he attended as a youth all those years ago. Oh, well. He tried.
Wearing the motorized wings Artemis stashed in his computer room along with the helmet she's wearing, Holly flies in just in time to distract the troll from finishing off the unconscious Butler. Foaly welcomes Holly back over the frequency and she is glad to get some advice how to best take this troll down...again. Root is also relaying a strategy. Hit him with the high beam lights from her helmet! She does but the convulsing troll knocks Holly, none to gently, into the same wall Butler met earlier. She lands right next to him and is about to pass out-her magic will need several minutes to kick in and repair the damage. Seeing the troll is now going for the innocent Juliet, who is just lying there, smiling at the troll, mumbling how she could take this imaginary wrestler down any day, Holly knows this flaky human doesn't deserve to die, drastic measures need to be taken. Just before everything fades to black, she reaches out a hand, places it on the manservant's chest and calls on her magic to heal him. Blue sparks run down her arm and a miracle occurs for Butler.
Rejuvenated, Butler leaps to his feet. It is then he finds the medieval suit of armor the troll knocked off its stand during the attack and has an idea...
Holly opens her eyes and is glad the video cam from the helmet she's still wearing is recording and transmitting to her colleges outside because what she is seeing right now is impossible to believe. The overly large human man, girded in a suit of armor, wielding a mace and chain, is approaching the troll. With a mighty swing, he strikes a blow on the troll's back which is only enough to distract it from taking his first bite of Juliet. She is discarded and the troll turns its full attention on the modern day knight in shining armor. Butler dances around the troll, striking a few more blows before sliding under where his fallen Sig Sauer lay to deliver at least ten direct shots into the troll's cranium. He is about to finish the poor creature off when Holly intervenes, begging Butler to spare the troll's life. He owes her, she reminds him. Butler holsters his weapons and concedes.
Outside Fowl Manor at their station, Foaly and Root are still rubbing their eyes in disbelief.
Chapter 9 ACE IN THE HOLE
Time to play the rest of his hand. Artemis gets through to Foaly and Root informing them whatever deal he and Root just made is now OFF, thanks to the troll someone was stupid enough to let loose. Good thing his manservant, Butler, was there to take care of it, he saw the whole thing on the monitors. He's not concerned with any bio-bombs but reminds Root if he values the life of his fellow fairy, Captain Holly Short won't be getting officially released anytime soon until somebody sends up his gold. Now.
Artemis is also grateful to the fairy, he saw what she did in saving the life of his manservant and realizes he owes her. His money-loving heart may have grown just one size today.
Over in the Mobile Ops tent, Foaly and Root are dealing with an outraged Cudgeon who is furious when both magical creatures inform him his little plan with the troll just failed miserably. When the fairy psychologists see the footage they plan to send them, the bravest human in the history of the fairy folk's dealings with humans who took down a troll single-handedly after one of their own healed him in an act of friendship, Cudgeon will be on traffic duty instead of a big-Whig commander. Cudgeon roars and lunges at Root who fires that fake finger with the knock out drug. Cudgeon is now sleeping like a baby and when he reawakens, he'll have learned an important lesson about the dangers of letting ambition get the best of you.
Back to Holly who gets the word from her connection with Foaly that the gold is parked in a hovertrolly just outside the front door. She goes out, the gold comes in and as soon as Holly is clear they will set off the bio-bomb and kill everything inside. Holly is shocked, not ALL of these humans deserve to die. Not even the flaky, dimwitted blonde. She was innocent and Butler saved everyone. Even the boy Artemis is just a kid. Holly flies over to Butler's eye level and informs them all what is about to happen. Artemis just shrugs. He's got a way to escape the bio-bomb but never mind that because the special delivery is here! Butler checks it for any booby-traps, removes the small fish eye camera and the cart bumps up the step and into the front atrium where even Holly is momentarily stunned by the allure of the sparkly gold ingots. Artemis licks his lips, hardly daring to believe they paid and how easy it was. Butler is mildly concerned at how panicked Holly is acting as Artemis calmly orders his manservant and Juliet to start unloading the gold. Doesn't he realize he's about to DIE in less than five minutes? Artemis takes Holly aside for a quick talk. He wants to buy a wish.
Holly emerges from Fowl Manor with at least half the gold. Removing her helmet she makes her way over to Root and Foaly pleading for them to stop the bio-bomb detonation and spare the lives of the humans but they shake their heads. It is too late.
Back inside, Artemis reassures Butler the remaining gold will be enough to satisfy his original plan and hands everyone a sleeping draught and orders them to drink it. If they trust him with their lives, he hopes they WILL drink it. He's got his own shot glass as well. And here we go...bottoms up everyone!
Foaly fires the missile which enters Fowl manor (Holly watches the monitors and has a glimmer of hope seeing the room is completely devoid of any humans) and detonates. Mission accomplished. Root, Holly and the rest of the retrieval team suit up in radiation suits, Root's not taking any chances, and go in. Holly is not looking forward to identifying the cadavers.
Turns out nobody has to. Swearing, (and there is a LOT of mild swearing in what is supposed to be a children's or YA book!) Holly stares in disbelief as all her fairy associates become violently ill, vomiting all over the expensive terra-cotta tiles of the front room entryway. What is going on? The humans are still alive and these fairies entered the dwelling without an official invite.
Mulch has been lurking around the grounds, safe in his underground tunnel biding his time. He smells the gold, quickly helps himself as the two guards are too busy laughing at everybody throwing up and is on his way to retire among the humans in one of their cities. With all this gold he can buy himself the perfect hideout and a cover story. He's set for life.
Artemis wakes up to Butler's scowl. They are alive but his baby sister is still lying unconscious and Artemis never really explained himself. Butler wants an explanation. Now. (First time in Artemis's life his manservant ever gave HIM an order, but, Artemis sighs inwardly, it IS understandable) Just as the test with his own mother proved, an alert, wide awake stream of consciousness is what keeps everyone trapped in a time-stop and if you are already asleep then you stay that way until it is lifted. There is no possible way anyone can escape...unless they fall asleep. So, he gave them all sleeping pills and they have awakened to noon in Fowl Manor in their own time. Which means his mother is also here somewhere and if Holly really DID grant his wish...
Angeline Fowl is already descending the stairs, fully herself, happily calling her son by his pet name, "Arty, where are you?" She is dressed normally as Artemis receives a familiar perfumed embrace. He is almost crying. His mother is BACK. Holly granted his wish.
And it had ALL been worth it.
THE END
Epilogue
Now, reader, before you go romanticizing Artemis Fowl, know that this is NOT the end of the story. Artemis continues to exploit the fairy people while Captain Holly Short becomes Haven's most renowned expert on both Fowl and human negotiations. These two will meet again, for example, the time of the famous Goblin insurgence when they were forced to cooperate with each other, but that's another story and will be told at another time...
